Latest and Best Funny Instagram Bios

• In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
• Some people are alive only, because it’s illegal to kill them.
• I shouldn’t be allowed to go on Snapchat, Facebook or Instagram when I’m drunk!
• Whenever I have a problem, I just sing, then I realize my voice is worse than my problem.
• I wonder what happens when the doctor’s wife eats an apple a day…
• Where the hell am I, and how did I get here?
• Are you a banker because I’d like you to leave me a loan.
• Recommended by 4 out of 5 people that recommend things.
• It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
• Here to serve…. the cat overlord.
• Warning!!! I know KARATE and few other oriental words.
• Have lots of hair and like ugly things.
• Recovering ice cream addict.
• If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
• You’re a 10, on the pH scale… Cuz you’re basic.
• I’m not smart. I just wear glasses.
• I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe.
• I put the hot in psychotic.
• Trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.
• It’s very difficult to be great. Losers prove this point continuously.
• Save water, drink beer.
• 1f you c4n r34d 7h15, you r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d.
• Sometimes one middle finger isn’t enough to let someone know how you feel. That’s why you have two hands.
• I will go into survival mode if tickled.
• Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.
• When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
• My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-Mart.
• I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.

• I only rap caucasionally.
• Good Samaritan, washed-up athlete, especially gifted napper.
• You’re right. I’m NOT perfect. But I’m unique!
• A lie is just a great story ruined by truth.
• Don’t get a woman, get a dog… They are loyal and they die sooner.
• I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks.
• White lips, pale face, I hate the entire human race.
• I’m so poor that I can’t pay attention in class.
• I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle… He’s dreaming too.
• Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.
• This is my last Instagram bio ever.
• I prefer my puns intended.
• I work for money, for loyalty hire a Dog.
• I’m in desperate need of a 6 month vacation… Twice a year.
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
• The strawberry shampoo doesn’t taste as good as it smells.
• Not all men are fools, some stay single.
• If I could sum up my life in one line I would die of embarrassment.
• Don’t hit kids!!! No, seriously, they have guns now.
• The only reason I am fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.
• Exercise, ex..er..cise, ex…ar..cise, eggs are sides, for BACON!
• I was addicted to hokey pokey but I turned myself around.
• I ran into my ex today… Put it in reverse and did it again!!!
• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
• Currently starring in my own reality show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girl’s Search for Love and Shoe.
• Camping is intents.
• I still don’t understand Twitter, but here I am.
• Save paper, don’t do homework.
• Nice guys finish lunch.
• My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
• Born to express not to impress.
• I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.
• Born at a very young age.
• I still miss my ex – but guess what? My aim is getting better.
• BAE: Bacon And Eggs.

For more Funny status and Quotes visit - https://quotedtext.com/best-funny-status-and-quotes/